You Should Have Died in Newtown

Unless you're actually doing something, this isn't going to sit well with you or a lot of other people. That's okay because people as a whole hate hearing how they're wrong. Include me in that crowd. This is as much of a wakeup call to myself as it is to everyone else.

It's also going to sound as antiquated as this clock. [Credit: Toshiyuki Imai]

Here's the thing though, you should have died in Newtown. I should have died in Newtown. Everyone should have died in Newtown.

Why? Well, why not? Should the others have lived their last day in that school?

They shouldn't have. No one deserves to die. That's an awful thing to think, isn't it?

Unless of course they're breaking into your house and putting your family at risk. In which case, they deserve to die.

There are two points to the gun control argument right now. On one side, you have people who like their guns and don't want people dead (unless they're threatening others). On the other side you have people who don't like guns and don't want people dead (unless there's a legitimate reason for their death.)

Now, do some math.

Both sides value life. If you cancel that out you're left with those who don't like guns and those who do. And what are they using to fuel their argument?

Dead children and adults.

We all just want people to come to our side, because we're right. [Credit: Josh James]

I'm not implying that you're some soulless demon that wants death and destruction to every thing that can be considered life on this Earth. I'm simply arguing that this issue most likely became important because of the events that occurred.

After all, I'm writing this blog post after the school shooting and not during the dormancy period between two of them.

This is how people get fired up. Think about it. There are and have been people dying for the rights of the U.S. for about as long as it's been around, which should be common sense, really.

Some of those people volunteered for what some might consider just causes. The Revolution. The North side of the Civil War. Maybe even World War I and it's sequel.

This is pretty much the same thing as WWII, right? [Credit: Kevin Dooley]

Why did they do it? Some of them thought it was honor and valor. Some of them were drafted. Some thought it was an easier than going to college. Others just wanted to kill people.

Whether they chose to or not, and whether the reasons they fought were justifiable or not, is a completely different issue. The point is, they died for one thing, to protect the rights of this country.

This is something we're pretty good at reminding people of every year when November 11th comes around. We mention it because we're being reminded.

You should probably buy the washer and dryer to cleanse yourself of materialistic guilt.

Everyone's good at remembering how much they love or hate guns whenever there's a school shooting. Social media sites are full of reminders.

If we had better gun control people wouldn't have died.

Guns don't kill people; people kill people.

There were no school shootings when God was in school.

We're not going to fire ourselves. [Credit: Neon Tommy]

I don't care which side you take. You can be as far left as someone who won't even mention the word gun in a blog post or as far right as someone who writes everything with bullet holes.

The problem is you're not actually doing anything but stating where you stand. You're wasting storage space on the Internet with your tired opinions - opinions that are probably already known by the 17 posts you make everyday spilling your political views through links.

Don't ask me why there's an abnormal amount of sunshine on her hair during a sunset. [Article]

Some might say that I'm doing the same thing. I'm just ranting about how much it bothers me that other people aren't actually doing anything. The thing is, I don't see a problem with our gun control laws right now.

There is going to be another school shooting some day. More people are going to die. There are going to be more arguments over gun laws. Repeat.

This doesn't mean I want people to die. It doesn't mean that I want more violence. It just means that I think there are some things that I can't change at this point.

I'd really like it if there were less Crocs in the world. (Hint: That link hints at what this blog post is about.)

I'm all for poaching these. [Credit: Alex Ward]

Does that make me apathetic? Am I belittling a horrific event by comparing it to an odd fashion trend that's slowly fading out? Or am I making a different point about all of this?

If you think I'm using this tragic event to fight about some personal interest, consider what it is you're doing if you only post comments about your side of the gun control issue.

There's nothing wrong with wanting gun control or not wanting any more of it. If you actually want something, do something about it other than gripe.

A little over 200 years ago there were these people that decided to write a Declaration of Independence despite the fact that there was still a war going on.

They disagreed. They fought. Some traveled hundreds of miles, all without cars and decent roads. Independence Hall in Philadelphia was sweltering that year and modern air conditioning was still about 100 years away.

The signers also had a major case of swamp ass. [Credit: chuckyeager]

All you have to do is sit in a temperature-controlled room and eat Doritos while you click a few buttons and let Google auto-fill your information from you.

Here's one place to support change in gun control laws.

Alternatively, if you don't want more laws, find that cause and support it.

Until then, I'd really wish you'd just shut up. There are people who are accomplishing more proactive things, such as starting Facebook pages to honor those who died and spread random acts of kindness in their loss.

This is my attempt to get some of those causes out there rather than just gripe.

Seriously. Click the freaking link and do something. I'm trying to practice what I preach here.

There are 26 dead people right now that, if alive, might be wishing they could do something else other than posting frivolous arguments to the Internet. Doing things like drawing pictures, or reading stories, or teaching people.

Or driving their parent(s) bat-shit crazy about Santa and Christmas morning. [Credit: Tomasz Krawczak]

Really, they'd probably prefer doing anything instead of being dead.

Source

You're Only as Good as the Pencil You Have

I don't remember much about the pencils from my childhood, mainly because they were just some tool that I used to finish homework. That, or all the memories I have from school are semantic.

Or I took too many headshots during gym.

For whatever reason, the pencils worked okay then. Some of the pencil sharpeners were awful, but at least the pencils were okay.

Now that I work in a school, I feel like almost every pencil's purpose is to make hell feel like paradise compared to sharpening a pencil.

Here you'll be given a Staples brand pencil to sharpen. Mwhahaha! [Credit: Joe Butler]

Almost all the pencils I see are awful. They don't sharpen correctly, or at all. The wood maintains a sarcophagus-like grip on the graphite.  And the erasers are so hard that my nipples in winter would have a hard time competing.

Except for those Ticonderogas.

The only truthful advertising out there.

Even the company that makes Ticonderogas (Dixon) has a few special reject brands that don't sharpen evenly. Sometimes the lead just falls out.

It's not the sharpeners either. The pencils can be cranked in those old fashioned things that sit on the walls, jammed into an electric sharpener, or twisted in a personal sharpener. They never sharpen.

It's almost as though there's a mass conspiracy to make money off inferior school supplies.

Actually, they've never really made any claims that their products are good.

Even if you manage to sharpen the damn things, there are still eraser issues. Apparently some memo went out to these companies that most people just cross things out inseatd instead of eraping erasing.

It's as though there's some mentality in this nation about quantity over quality.

Like a Dixon Oriole, I occasionally have a good point.

Once they do sharpen, which is pretty much a failure on the pencil's part, they barely write. It looks like some arthritic man with the grip of a dying woman tried to write a letter. If the graphite does show up by some rare chance and someone decides to erase, they're left with a big smudge of pink, black, gray, or a combination of all of them.

You can't even get these awful pencils to stick into the ceiling.

How bad is it? There's a Facebook page for pencil erasers that smear. There are educators complaining on one site about how awful pencils are and more complaining about the Dixon Oriole (and others) on another.

Basically, we might be better off using coal to write and Rudolph's nose to erase.

Rudolph with your nose so bright, help me get my questions right. [Credit: Christo de Klerk, Adam Gerard]

There are a few theories out there as to why these things suck, most of which I just thought of. One is that the wood is inferior. Another is that the graphite is cheap. And a third one I have kicking around is that it's really a combination of everything and then some.

It's not just the pencils either. Awful products in the educational system are everywhere. They're the equivalent of zombies or bad relationships - most of them are dead before you get good use out of them.

Yet, educators are forced to buy these awful products for their classrooms. In fact, the National School Supply and Equipment Association found that they bought up to 77% of the supplies in their classrooms - from their own wallets.

Or man purse. [Credit: Karen Chu]

It still gets worse. Worse than the pencils even.

Another article estimates that 97% of teachers pay from their pockets for supplies. While that could mean something as little as buying some popcorn for a movie they were showing or a kilo of crack for a health class, the average teacher spends around $350 per year.

During the 2011-2012 school year, the Census Bureau estimated that 55.5 million K-12 students enrolled in school. While some of those probably dropped out, a good six million teachers still taught those with nothing else better to do than form lines in front of sharpeners. Those teachers paid about $2.1 billion on school supplies.

With states tightening budgets with vise grips and classroom sizes increasing, teachers are making less and having to pay for more.

In this picture, the bull's genitalia = education's budget. The bull rider = educators. [Credit: Gary Hunt]

Yet, we require more out of our educators and more out of our students. There are specialists entering schools with research on correct teaching methods and data about what's wrong with your teaching style.

Basically, they tell you why you're horrible and what you need to do (but can't) to fix it. The biggest argument they give is that every child can be taught, but when it comes to teachers helping students, some just can't be helped.

They take their checks and leave feeling accomplished knowing their logic is just like all the inferior brands of pencils.

No, no. Let her and me tell you how awful you are.

And whether it's the supplies or the specialists, money's been spent and things are still left dull.

Jesus is Never Coming Back

Ever since people started mass producing the bible there have been people banking - or breaking the bank - on his return, which is hilarious because the book, which many people believe gives them the key to Jesus' return, clearly states no one knows but God.

It gets worse. Another verse in the bible states that Jesus will return like a thief in the night. Basically, Jesus is coming when you least expect it and he's taking your HD television.

Visual approximation of Jesus on his return. [Credit: Fang Guo]

This presents a little dilemma for Jesus' second coming, namely in that it seems there's someone predicting the second coming every year. Then there are some who predict that he's coming "soon".

I'm not sure what this means concerning God's two criteria for Jesus' return, but it seems that someone expecting him soon would cancel out Jesus' return during all the years that encompass the word "soon."

I'd look sad, too, if I had to live with my dad for an undisclosed amount of time. [Source: Wikimedia Commons]

Some might say that the 1 Thessalonians reference above doesn't mean that Jesus won't come back if no one is thinking about him, just that he'll drop in when people are the least prepared. It's the same thing as Mom and Dad dropping by when your house is a disaster.

Ding dong.

The scenario works for the second coming because the bible has a few things to say about the world balancing between a catastrophic hell hole and a universally connected bully pulpit for the preaching of the God's word before Jesus drops in.

However, there's a huge problem, maybe even a contradiction, with the bible and Jesus' return and it's God's first stipulation - only he knows the time.

Think about this. The world becoming evermore connected means there are more outlets for predictions of Jesus' arrival. Everyone will have access to it and not only can everyone hear it, but everyone can predict it and publish their prediction.

"It's three-fifty per minute, but the Doomsday theories are free." [Credit: Alan Turkus]

Now, God has a few more rules about when he'll let Jesus out of his gold-plated room in heaven and extend his curfew so he can crash the Earth's sinfest party. One of them is that the gospel must reach every person on earth. So this whole global communications deal is a positive.

There's also the argument that, although people are making asinine predictions of return dates, none of the people really know, therefore Jesus can return during a prediction anyway.

However, I can only imagine the celebratory bragging that will take place at Heaven's gates if someone mistakenly predicts the actual date.

Predicting "after Abraham Lincoln's death" is kind of cheating, though. [Credit: angelofsweetbitter]

Given all of this, if I were to join the lot of many and wager a prediction, it would be that Jesus is never coming back.

For starters, there are still groups of people being discovered, some as recently as 2011. So at least one person lived who never received the opportunity for some Mormons or Christian missionaries to inform them about their heathen lifestyle.

"And now that you know you're sinful failure, let us tell you about Mitt Romney." [Credit: Aoife]

Secondly, there's the whole issue of the anti-Christ and everyone (other than Christians, most likely) coming together under a common leader. That is if you believe the anti-Christ will be one person.

After all, the bible says an anti-Christ is anyone who doesn't believe Jesus is the Messiah.

Pictured here: Anti-Christs. [Creidt: AJ]

Given those two thoughts, we're on our own. Logically speaking, God created a catch-22. If we don't repent we spend eternity in hell. If Jesus never returns, Earth will turn into it.

Of course, all of this assumes God even exists in the first place, and no one knows that for sure. If he doesn't, then that means the bible is man-made. If the bible is man-made, then that means Jesus was made up and that the people are God.

If the people are God, that means we know when Jesus is coming back.

Which means we don't really know, and Jesus is never coming back.

Apophis is Coming, Grab the Camera!

There's this slight chance that an asteroid named Apophis will slam into the Earth in 2036 and we'll know by Friday, April 13, 2029.

By slight chance, I mean that at one point Apophis's chances of hitting Earth were 1-in-37. It had the same odds of hitting Earth that you do of winning on a single number in Roulette.

Does this count as red? [Source]

Unlike the picture above, the actual asteroid is the size of the Rose Bowl and would probably be more interesting than the Rose Bowl Parade. While not of doomsday proportions, it is large enough to do some damage.

Even if it does hit, no one needs to die.

According to Neil deGrasse Tyson, super awesome astrophysicist, if it hits, tsunamis would pummel the western coast of the U.S. for about 45 minutes, each spaced out by about 50 seconds, and would cause about $10 trillion dollars in damage.

Pretty much what happened during the Bush Administration, but without the west coast tsunamis.

With that said, I say let it hit.

Sure, there would be some awful economic repercussions. Firstly, since the asteroid would hit 500 miles due west of Santa Monica (if it goes through Earth's Key Hole) there would be some costly home destruction. But many of those homes depreciated during the recession anyway.

The "A" is for Apophis. [Source: Google Maps]

But if it hits, imagine what can be done for the sake of scientific endeavor. I'm not referring to the study of asteroid/meteorites. I'm referring to sociology.

There will be YouTube videos, pictures uploaded to Twitter, massive whining on Facebook. There could be a Republican president and Congress and far-left conspiracy theories that Apophis was just the administration's attempt to have liberal Hollywood wiped out.

Even if it comes at the cost of all the Republicans in the area.

Some will just assume the tsunami was Chuck Norris doing a cannonball into the Pacific Ocean. [Credit: Adam Ross]

Sure, people will lose things such as their homes, memories, and the places where they built their lives. A few garden gnomes will go missing, too.

But people are missing the point here - capital gain.

Seen here: Walmart's, CBS News's, and Life Magazine's revenue-based tribute to their wallets. Oh, and 9/11. [Credit: Shane Remer]

Let's face it, there would be new business opportunities. Forget taking a trip to Crater Lake. How about taking a dive to see a meteorite? And, for just the right amount of money, people could buy permits to mine the thing.

Apophis crumbs in plastic containers could cost the average person $10. Rings made from the minerals it contains - $1,000. And, if we're lucky, someone might find the face of Jesus or the Virgin Mary in it thereby signaling the end times.

Of course, all of this depends on Apophis passing through the Earth's keyhole and, if it passes through, where it passes through.  There's a good possibility that won't happen. The chances of you dying from suffocation by a plastic bag are two times more likely than you seeing Apophis kill a couple of dolphins in the Pacific.

This version of suffocation by a plastic bag also two times more likely than Apophis killing a couple of dolphins. [Credit: Shane Remer]

If for some reason it misses the keyhole (mainly because it has a 99.9996% chance of missing Earth), I say we drag it back into an orbit that will rendezvous with Earth in 2036.

It wouldn't be hard to do, either. Tyson gives an explanation of how we can pull the asteroid away from our keyhole by using gravitational pull.

I say we use the same technique and center the asteroid so stubbornly on our keyhole that Earth will be stuck with a seven-year itch.

This is also NASA's plan for deflecting Apophis.

Just imagine everything that will happen. We'll have doomsday predictions. We'll have mass destruction and can start a war against the asteroid belt based on claims of terrorism. We'll have new pictures to put in our history books.

And, maybe most of the Republicans will say that Apophis is to blame for the rise in sea levels and Bangkok's disappearance, not climate change and the absence of most of our glaciers.

Not only that, but it would be awesome to see something that big blazing a path through our atmosphere. And, by blazing a path through our atmosphere, I mean that it could hit at nearly 12 km/s. So, you won't see it for very long.

If you can see it. [Credit: Ben Amstutz]

Of all the scenarios, though, maybe Apophis hitting the Earth is the best. As Tyson pointed out in one interview, one of the biggest questions would be which nations would help deflect it?

Since it would do most of its damage to the U.S., it's a safe bet the U.S. would fund the most money to protect its interests. However, if the same were to happen to another country, say England, would the U.S. help?

What if Apophis were to splash into the Pacific near Nauru and only pose devastating threats to the surrounding small islands? Would anyone help?

Pictured here: How much the U.S. cared during WWII. [Source]

Despite what happens in movies such as Armageddon and Deep Impact, the U.S. might not always be the country at risk, or the one coming to save the day.

If Apophis were to hit anywhere else, I might not be the only one in the U.S. saying, "Let it hit."

Am I Right or am I Right or am I Right?

Look at this.

Get a room!

Isn't that awesome? I mean, come on, if a cheetah and a dog can get along, why can't a serial killer and a lonely jogger share a nice glass of non-roofied beer at the local pub?

Because this is an anomaly. It's purely anecdotal.

Look, I get it. I really do. This is meant to be inspiring. To make someone say, "Aww," and feel like the world is a better place.

I want the world to be better, too. But, face it, cheetahs and dogs don't hang out in the back of a truck bed each day. By nature, cheetahs and any domesticated animal usually avoid head nudging.

It's not like people just walk up to lions and rough house with them.

Again, anecdotal.

Sure, these amazing things happen. No matter where you go, nor how long you live, it doesn't make them any less spectacular.

It doesn't make them central pieces of evidence for greater things, neither.

The picture that started this blog, the dog and the cheetah, came from my Facebook home feed. The same user who posted it posted two images just 11 and 13 minutes before it.

Over a billion people discriminated against. Or something like 5-10%.

Hey, chickens have to stand up for one another.

Now, it could be said - and will be said - that a person can not like gay marriage and still get along with gay people.

If that's the case, so have dogs and cheetahs, and people and lions.

And Republican Senators and gay-prostitute sting operators. (Although, if it stings when you operate it, seek care from a medical professional.)

To be fair, he self-titled himself as a quickie job creator.

Now, some might argue that using ol' Larry boy is unjust. After all, there have been corrupt and misleading politicians on both sides of the fence. Picking one is unfair, misleading.

Anecdotal.

[Credit: Leonel Reyes]

Others might say I failed in setting up a logically-sound argument.

In which case, yes.

See, people are just naturally geared to use what makes them right. It's this little thing called confirmation bias.We look for any little thing that supports our arguments and then we latch onto it.

It's the same reason why men think a woman's into him if she even makes eye contact for 18 nanoseconds. He'll say that she's timid. Conversely, if she douses his face with pepper spray and has him arrested, she's playing hard to get.

We were both on the same continent for five minutes and now he thinks I'm interested. [Credit: Jessica]

It's this drive to be right that allows us to post an image about separation, and 13 minutes later post one about love.

Just like the cheetah and the dog, and the man and the lions, if you grow up learning mutual respect and love for someone, then you usually maintain the bond.

It almost feels that if we taught everyone that to be right is to find the truth of an issue, and that to be right is to find a compromise, then being right wouldn't be all that bad. All of us could be right and get along.

Wait! I just want to reach a mutual agreement whereby compromise is achieved. [Source]

However, we're naturally drawn to being right, and selfishly, because it's what keeps us safe. And despite all those enjoying the beauty of that man's companionship with the lions, at least one person is cheering for carnage so he can wave animal rights posters and yell, "I told you so!"

Go for the jugular, Mufasa! [Credit: Bidna Capoeira]

Really, all we want is a reason to hate others. It's the those who oppose us are against us mentality. And, we're pretty sure everyone's against us. It starts early, too.

Sure, some issues are fairly cut and dry. Most people agree that a random flying suplex to a person with multiple sclerosis is a bad idea. Still, most also agree that bettering the human race is a good thing.

But even bettering the human race has its gray areas.

That's why sometimes it's just better to understand that some of us will never get along. There are just some people that love to hate.

Pictured here: The only evidence the founders of the U.S. had for removing the first amendment.

However, while most of us understand that we don't have to be like everyone else because we're individuals (mainly because we think we're better anyway), some of us have a problem understanding that not everyone has to be like us.

What makes a dog and a cheetah enjoying some cuddling is that it just shouldn't happen. Dogs and cheetahs don't naturally get along, which is the point.

If it were two dogs cuddling, or two cheetahs nudging, then we just say, "Aww," and wait for our next chance to attack someone who used the wrong "you're/your" combination.

After all, we just want someone to agree with us, right?

[Credit: Adam Cohn]

You're Worthless, and That's Important

Being human has it's limits, mainly mortality. There's this thing about life and it ending, and ending too soon.

Depending on the mood you find someone in, you'll either hear them say that they don't want to be around in 80 years because the world is on the fast track to nuclear destruction, or you'll hear them say that they'd love to be here in 80 years because they'll finally be debt free and can afford to travel the world.

Ah, the first signs of winter. [Source: US Department of Energy]

I wish I could live forever.

There are many things happening that are bound to be awesome. Human expansion into space, increasing potential to understand many things we don't understand (otherwise known as knowledge), and they're even printing human body parts using printers like the one sitting on your desk.

Basically, living forever is becoming a possibility.

Way ahead of you. [Source: Cifonauta]

Sure, as technology advances so does weaponry. And then those weapons makers will have more reason to obliterate the hell out of earth. Since the world's climate is already changing, what's the problem with a few extra degrees?

It'll be okay, though,  because most of humanity will have ventured off into the regions of space, anyway.

There will also be a few additions to Google Maps.
[Sources: Earth, Moon - Shane Remer, Google Maps, Google Space Image - Shane Remer]

The more we travel into space and the more of it we can hopefully inhabit, hopefully the more peace treaties it brings. After all, no country owns any claims to the moon, just like no country owns any rights to Antarctica.

Everything about the nearly inhabitable (Antarctica), and the inhabitable (the Moon) has been set aside for science. That is until Antarctica melts and its hypothetically, economically beneficial resources are exposed.

Exploration proves useful and there's just something human about the need to explore. Whether it's other territories, the ocean, space, or a another person's body, people innately desire to learn, to understand, to go further.

And some spend thousands of dollars traveling abroad to find themselves. [Credit: Moyan Brenn]

Living forever would fix this problem. Everything could be accomplished.

The only problem is that living forever could lower the meaning of life. Some fear that increased lifespans would be to life what October 29, 1929 was to the economy.

Ignoring questions of sustainability given the increased population of the human race if life expectancy grew, what reasons would people have for accomplishing things if we had forever to finish them?

Yeah, I'll get to those next century. [Credit: Lex]

I'm of the belief that humanity has developed goals around its lifespan. Thousands of years ago, if you died at 40, congratulations. You got a stone tablet article the same way people turning 100 do today.

Sure, society had its differences. The definitions and reasons for marriage were different, but people often married young because they needed extra hands. Agricultural life has that effect.

"Okay, everyone, spread out and choose someone to marry." [Credit: woodleywonderworks]

 
As modern medicine has pushed forward and people can expect 70-80 good years, objectives such as getting married, having kids, and midlife crises occur later in life.

In other words, people dedicate more time to what they want and not so much to ensuring sure they wake up the next day.

Imagine if we lived 20 or 30 extra years, or even if we could expect to live forever, save for car accidents and lightning bolts. What would life be like?

As long as we both shall live? Thanks a lot, science! [Credit: Heather Williams]

Sure, maybe living forever isn't for everyone, but imagine seeing your great, great, great grandchildren? Imagine seeing Halley's Comet - twice, or even three times.

Knowing that our descendents might live a long time should make 70 years feel like an honor. It's this knowledge of our brevity that allows us to feel insignificant, and this insignificance is sometimes what inspires us to do great things.

Or waste three hours of our lives watching just one more video.

Perhaps giving us more time in life would allow us to see just how insignificant we really are as we watch the great inventions of our childhood reduced to antiquities and museum shelves.

Not that I want people to feel depressed.

But it's depressing knowing there are some awesome things happening in the realm of science that will forever change how we experience the world, or other worlds, or other living forms.

But, that depression sometimes leads the desire to better ourselves.

Pictured here: A Cold War era victory. [Source: NASA]

Whatever happens, I just want to be around because there's something inspiring about experiencing space flights around the moon or even into space, or alien life (no matter how small), or even seeing the U.S. national debt reach $1 quadrillion - which, of course, leads to the U.S. clearing all debts and auctioning our cities.

The ones we can, at least. [Credit: Race Bannon]

Basically, I'm just jealous in the same way that Aristotle and Newton would be if alive today. (And I'd want to be friends with them on Facebook because, well, why not?)

The future is disappointing to me only because I don't want the only thing I have to offer it be my past.

Yet, it's all I can give. Maybe I should be enlightened just knowing that something I did could make someone think, "Not bad. I want to do that, but better."

Given that thought, maybe our drive in life shouldn't be to be remembered, but to be a part of the reason why others are.

Until they're forgotten, too.

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By the way, if you don't already know this guy - Neil deGrasse Tyson - you should.