The Hypocrisy of the Hopeless Romantic

Two beers into a Saturday night, I talked to a woman. This wasn't a rare occurrence. Despite the fact I seldom drink, I usually have two. That's the limit, though. Usually I'm driving home and I need a couple of hours to work off all the effects.

What happens if I even sniff the top shelf stuff. [Credit: A Syn]

Here's the thing about me though. I'm typically honest, and I mean that in the way that means I don't know how to socialize with people.When this woman and I started talking to me, she mentioned to me that she considered herself a hopeless romantic.

I know what she meant, but that doesn't mean I agreed with the way most people view it. See, a romantic is someone that pursues things indefinitely. A person that loves love and romance and all that other fun stuff that goes with it isn't a romantic. No, a romantic is someone that pursues love in all its endeavors, that puts forth an effort, that tries to be romantic, too.

Fortunately, I asked her what she meant by that. What I got in return was basically the typical, expected response. 

"I miss men that hold open doors and buy flowers for women and dote on them at least three hours every day." Or something like that.

Pictured here: The only man with enough time to meet her needs. [Credit: Pedro Ribiero Simões]

Don't get me wrong, that type of romance isn't a bad thing. Picnics in the park, walks at night, 2 a.m. visits to the hospital after trying that one move on page 75 in that new book you both picked up with childish grins are all part of the fun. 

The problem is that romantics are people that do those things. As in, they actually try. They put forth an effort. They're out there everyday trying to prove that they love someone.

In other words, a hopeless romantic isn't someone who just sits around hoping to be loved. People who do that are just hopeless.

Wake me when my true love arrives. [Credit: Travis Rigel Lucas Hornung]

She's not the only person I've ever known or met that's like this. Although, I do meet a lot more women like this because of my bias toward dating women. However, men do it, too. It's just that the stereotypical and sexist roles that still run this world lean towards men doing more of the acting than the waiting around.

One of the things I've learned is that it's important to be the type of person that you want to date. So, if you want someone that treats you well, writes little notes to let you know they care, surprises you with sentimental gifts, and understands that you don't want to have sex with socks on — be that person.

Don't be like the woman I talked with on a Saturday night who talked about being a hopeless romantic that felt like she would be sitting around for years or decades until some man of centuries past stepped out from the fog of relics to sweep her away into her dreams.

Only to have him drop the act, bring her back into reality, and expect her to sweep for him. [Credit: José Antonio Morcillo Valenciano]

No, stop moping and actually try doing something about it. Don't call yourself a hopeless romantic unless you've actually spent time trying to woo people. Don't call yourself a hopeless romantic unless you've planned romantic gestures only to have them bomb. Don't call yourself a hopeless romantic if you think that just liking those thoughts makes you that person.

After all, if just thinking about something made you one, there would be a lot of rich people in the world.