You're so dumb. I like you.

Some say girls daydream about their wedding and boys daydream about winning the World Series. At least, that's what the guy at the bus stop told me.

"Hop inside this box. It's a time machine!" [Credit: Katie Brady]

Crazy old man advice aside, we do like to imagine how things will turn out. Some of us think about our wedding day, whittling down every detail in our heads before we're old enough to drive, all the while forgetting that we need someone else in order to get married and that they may want to have some say in it. Some of us think learning to play the guitar will help us score only to find out that it helps if we're good looking, too. And some of us are nearly brain dead and completely apathetic.

Whatever it is we think we know, we're sometimes wrong. Being wrong, or the fear of it, can lead to some disastrous consequences. Or, it can lead to a learning opportunity and another attempt. We all react to failure differently.

Some of us hide when Dad messes up a stitch in that new quilt of his. [Credit: Lance Neilson]

Failure is ultimately what drives us. We either learn to accept it and move on or learn to fear it and hide. We begin rearranging our lives in our heads to match. We create these scripts for ourselves, and sometimes they're limited. We think we know how things should work. We think we have things figured out. We think we know what's possible and what's not. We think we know the rules of something.

As an example, dating advice. There are always loads of advice out there. When I was younger, one of the bigger trends was this book published by a trio of women that explained all the rules men should follow to get a man to like him.

Some of these rules were fairly basic, such as shower before a date, don't drool on her, and make sure you don't invite your wife and mistress to the same place. Some of the others were a little more obscure, such as, don't call her the next day, but don't wait longer than three days to call back, don't kiss her on the first date, and so on.

Don't devour her father. [Credit: Frankieleon]

We create lists that we think will make us happy. They have to be a certain height, have a certain look, work a certain job, and say (or not say) specific things. Everything has to follow a specific order or it's doomed.

That's what takes the magic out of something wonderful, though. That's what removes the charm from the story people tell when others ask how they met. We get so hung up on everything being a certain way that we feel like it's the only thing that will make us happy. Instead, the biggest problem we have is that we're not in control.

If you were completely and utterly happy with someone, would it matter how you met? Would it matter if their hair was a different color than what you normally went after? Would it matter if, on the first date, the person you liked said to you, "You're so dumb. I like you." Would it matter if on the second date you discovered they didn't know how to use pita bread?

Wait, you mean you're supposed to open it? [Credit: jeffreyw]

All I'm saying is that if you imagine a perfect world where everything is supposed to fit a narrative and you assume something won't work because it doesn't fit that narrative, you could wind up miserable. You could miss out on the one person who changes everything and makes you realize you've never truly been as happy as you are now.

I'm not suggesting you should give up on core values, such as trust, humor, genuineness, and awesome naked time. I'm just suggesting that you stop defining it so concretely. Let life fill in all the little details.

Life is a story, a incredibly short one at that. The problem is some of us spend too much time writing it, and not enough time reading it, or some other writer-like metaphor that fits the current scenario.

Some of us spend too much time dipping or getting dipped into? [Credit: iKobe!]

All I'm saying is that life is going to happen one way or another, so why not stop writing the rules for it and instead let life find you someone that makes you happy? It may defy everything you've thought, every rational decision, every logical process, every bit of sound reasoning.

It may also be the thing that makes your heart sing.

The Hypocrisy of the Hopeless Romantic

Two beers into a Saturday night, I talked to a woman. This wasn't a rare occurrence. Despite the fact I seldom drink, I usually have two. That's the limit, though. Usually I'm driving home and I need a couple of hours to work off all the effects.

What happens if I even sniff the top shelf stuff. [Credit: A Syn]

Here's the thing about me though. I'm typically honest, and I mean that in the way that means I don't know how to socialize with people.When this woman and I started talking to me, she mentioned to me that she considered herself a hopeless romantic.

I know what she meant, but that doesn't mean I agreed with the way most people view it. See, a romantic is someone that pursues things indefinitely. A person that loves love and romance and all that other fun stuff that goes with it isn't a romantic. No, a romantic is someone that pursues love in all its endeavors, that puts forth an effort, that tries to be romantic, too.

Fortunately, I asked her what she meant by that. What I got in return was basically the typical, expected response. 

"I miss men that hold open doors and buy flowers for women and dote on them at least three hours every day." Or something like that.

Pictured here: The only man with enough time to meet her needs. [Credit: Pedro Ribiero Simões]

Don't get me wrong, that type of romance isn't a bad thing. Picnics in the park, walks at night, 2 a.m. visits to the hospital after trying that one move on page 75 in that new book you both picked up with childish grins are all part of the fun. 

The problem is that romantics are people that do those things. As in, they actually try. They put forth an effort. They're out there everyday trying to prove that they love someone.

In other words, a hopeless romantic isn't someone who just sits around hoping to be loved. People who do that are just hopeless.

Wake me when my true love arrives. [Credit: Travis Rigel Lucas Hornung]

She's not the only person I've ever known or met that's like this. Although, I do meet a lot more women like this because of my bias toward dating women. However, men do it, too. It's just that the stereotypical and sexist roles that still run this world lean towards men doing more of the acting than the waiting around.

One of the things I've learned is that it's important to be the type of person that you want to date. So, if you want someone that treats you well, writes little notes to let you know they care, surprises you with sentimental gifts, and understands that you don't want to have sex with socks on — be that person.

Don't be like the woman I talked with on a Saturday night who talked about being a hopeless romantic that felt like she would be sitting around for years or decades until some man of centuries past stepped out from the fog of relics to sweep her away into her dreams.

Only to have him drop the act, bring her back into reality, and expect her to sweep for him. [Credit: José Antonio Morcillo Valenciano]

No, stop moping and actually try doing something about it. Don't call yourself a hopeless romantic unless you've actually spent time trying to woo people. Don't call yourself a hopeless romantic unless you've planned romantic gestures only to have them bomb. Don't call yourself a hopeless romantic if you think that just liking those thoughts makes you that person.

After all, if just thinking about something made you one, there would be a lot of rich people in the world.