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| "Hop inside this box. It's a time machine!" [Credit: Katie Brady] |
Crazy old man advice aside, we do like to imagine how things will turn out. Some of us think about our wedding day, whittling down every detail in our heads before we're old enough to drive, all the while forgetting that we need someone else in order to get married and that they may want to have some say in it. Some of us think learning to play the guitar will help us score only to find out that it helps if we're good looking, too. And some of us are nearly brain dead and completely apathetic.
Whatever it is we think we know, we're sometimes wrong. Being wrong, or the fear of it, can lead to some disastrous consequences. Or, it can lead to a learning opportunity and another attempt. We all react to failure differently.
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| Some of us hide when Dad messes up a stitch in that new quilt of his. [Credit: Lance Neilson] |
Failure is ultimately what drives us. We either learn to accept it and move on or learn to fear it and hide. We begin rearranging our lives in our heads to match. We create these scripts for ourselves, and sometimes they're limited. We think we know how things should work. We think we have things figured out. We think we know what's possible and what's not. We think we know the rules of something.
As an example, dating advice. There are always loads of advice out there. When I was younger, one of the bigger trends was this book published by a trio of women that explained all the rules men should follow to get a man to like him.
Some of these rules were fairly basic, such as shower before a date, don't drool on her, and make sure you don't invite your wife and mistress to the same place. Some of the others were a little more obscure, such as, don't call her the next day, but don't wait longer than three days to call back, don't kiss her on the first date, and so on.
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| Don't devour her father. [Credit: Frankieleon] |
We create lists that we think will make us happy. They have to be a certain height, have a certain look, work a certain job, and say (or not say) specific things. Everything has to follow a specific order or it's doomed.
That's what takes the magic out of something wonderful, though. That's what removes the charm from the story people tell when others ask how they met. We get so hung up on everything being a certain way that we feel like it's the only thing that will make us happy. Instead, the biggest problem we have is that we're not in control.
If you were completely and utterly happy with someone, would it matter how you met? Would it matter if their hair was a different color than what you normally went after? Would it matter if, on the first date, the person you liked said to you, "You're so dumb. I like you." Would it matter if on the second date you discovered they didn't know how to use pita bread?
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| Wait, you mean you're supposed to open it? [Credit: jeffreyw] |
All I'm saying is that if you imagine a perfect world where everything is supposed to fit a narrative and you assume something won't work because it doesn't fit that narrative, you could wind up miserable. You could miss out on the one person who changes everything and makes you realize you've never truly been as happy as you are now.
I'm not suggesting you should give up on core values, such as trust, humor, genuineness, and awesome naked time. I'm just suggesting that you stop defining it so concretely. Let life fill in all the little details.
Life is a story, a incredibly short one at that. The problem is some of us spend too much time writing it, and not enough time reading it, or some other writer-like metaphor that fits the current scenario.
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| Some of us spend too much time dipping or getting dipped into? [Credit: iKobe!] |
All I'm saying is that life is going to happen one way or another, so why not stop writing the rules for it and instead let life find you someone that makes you happy? It may defy everything you've thought, every rational decision, every logical process, every bit of sound reasoning.
It may also be the thing that makes your heart sing.
